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|arjun naveen om khan||
Posted: Nov 9 2017, 02:35 PM
fear from inside out
erin is Offline
she/her ♦ 7 posts ♦ 16000 points
arjun naveen om khan
fear of birdsYou weren’t sure what possessed you to do this. You had never watched a scary movie before, you weren’t allowed as everything seemed to frighten you to tears, something that was often frowned up in the household. You weren’t the strong individual that your parents were or even your brother. But, you wanted to prove everyone wrong. You could be as strong as they were.
You squeezed into a hiding spot and watched the movie as your parents enjoyed it. At first, your eyes were wide with excitement as you watched, but they quickly turned to terror. You tried to remain strong as you remained in your hiding place wrapping your small arms tighter and tighter around yourself. You could do this.
You could do it.
But you couldn’t. Soon the tears came, despite your best efforts to hold them back. You remained there, trying to be as strong as possible and finish the movie, but you couldn’t. You darted out from your hiding place sobbing as you ran up to your room.
You did your best to wipe the tears away and pull yourself together, but you couldn’t even do that. You were sure that your parents would be there soon to punish you. Before they could, you ran to your brother, hoping that he would help you, protect you from the horrible things that were around.
Your parents found you and banned you from TV for a while, which at that point you didn’t mind. Not after what you saw.
Despite your young age, you never grew out of being afraid of birds. They are terrifying to you. You don’t understand how people can go bird-watching or walk through aviaries at the zoo without bursting into tears and trying to protect themselves from certain doom. You had to protect yourself otherwise you were going to end up like the people in that movie, a death you didn’t want to have happened to you.
fear of intimacyDating wasn’t easy for you. You tried to bond with people and after you finally warmed up to them and allowed your shy exterior to fall slightly you could do that easily. You could create bonds, but creating something deeper than that wasn’t easy. It left you to feel anxious. You weren’t sure of what to do, how to change things, to take it to the next level.
One girl held your hand. That’s all she did, held your hand, but you yanked it back in a panic. You held your hand close to your chest and ran away. She tried to talk to you about it, but you didn’t know what to say. Needless to say, things didn’t end well.
A few years later, you bonded with another girl. You thought you were going to become closer to her. You had forgotten about your past mistakes with the other girl. But, they quickly came flooding back as this one leaned in closer and closer. Her lips were puckered and you knew what was to come. Panic seized you as you pulled away from her. You started talking about the first thing that came to mind, math, she seemed to accept that and for a while, you didn’t have to worry about it.
Until she tried it a couple of days later.
Once again you panicked. You couldn’t kiss her. Not because you didn’t like her, but because you physically couldn’t do it. There was a pit in your stomach the more you thought about you. You turned away again and this time you couldn’t talk about math and change the subject. There was a level of hurt on her face that you couldn’t fix and when you couldn’t explain it to her it got worse. Once again, it didn’t end well.
There was another girl that you managed to bond with. You were determined this time to open yourself up to more, to a deeper relationship. You found yourself taking deep breaths as your fingers laced together. You were doing it. You could do this.
It only lasted a few seconds.
You pulled your hand away and tucked it into your pocket, so she wouldn’t grab it again. None of this was comfortable for you. Eventually, you tried it again and lasted a little bit longer, but the whole time your hands were laced together your heart was racing and your mind was thinking about how weird it was. How weird your hands felt together and how much you hated the sweat that was beginning to form on a warm day. Once again, you pulled your hand away, not liking it when she pulled it closer to her and in turn pushed the two of you closer together.
Luckily, you had a better excuse for why this relationship was going to end. You were moving to America with your siblings (something that might have terrified you even more than holding her hand or kissing her).
It was a while before you met anyone in America who you bonded with enough to get to that point. This time it wasn’t a girl who grabbed your hand, but a guy. You were panicked again and drew your hand away. He didn’t seem to mind and a few days later he tried to kiss you. Your lips only met briefly before you pulled away, running your fingers through your hair as you tried to calm yourself down, but you couldn’t. You remained panicked and he left, not pleased with how you reacted.
You were going to be alone forever.
fear of failurePleasing your parents had always been a high priority for you. You wanted them to be happy with what you accomplished, you longed for the praise of a job well done. This fear of letting them down controlled your life in a way that you never could have imagined. It led you down paths you didn’t want to go, but you did anyway…
All to please your parents.
To hopefully get that small smile and congratulations of a job well done.
But, even doing the things that they pushed for you to do and going in the direction they wanted you to go, you could never seem to get what you wanted.
You continually let them down.
Hearing and seeing the disappointment in them when you told them you were going to be a professor was the hardest thing you ever had to do. You let them down. You have failed them. There was no turning back now, your choice was made. But, the doubt the placed in you made you rethink your choice.
Could you really do this? Could you become a professor? Teach? Talk in front of not just one person, but multiple ones? You weren’t sure that you could. There were nights when you cried yourself to sleep, certain that this dream wasn’t going to pan out for you and that you were going to have to search for something else while adding yet another thing to the list of things you had failed at.
There was a chance that you would be even more worthless than you already were.
And you weren’t sure you were ready to face that.
fear of fallingDreams haunted you and sometimes, they ended up leaking in to your life. At first, it was just a few dreams where you were falling. They would cause you to wake, but more often than not, you could go back to sleep.
But slowly, the falling grew more intense. Suddenly it was no longer an endless black hole, but you were surrounded by rocks with harsh waves crashing below you. Or maybe it was a pit of snakes or hungry crocodiles. It was never ending what was going to be there waiting for you when you reached the bottom. You’d wake up before you ever hit, but you couldn’t go back to sleep, certain that you’d have the same dream again only this time you would reach the bottom and you didn’t want to find out what happened when you hit the bottom.
Then one day, it happened. You were up high, made the mistake of looking down, and suddenly you were clinging on for dear life. There had been no signs that something terrible was going to happen, but you weren't certain that it was. You were certain that you were going to meet your death at the end of that dark hole and you weren’t ready. You tightly closed your eyes and hoped that you would be back to solid land soon.
fear of needlesIt was time for your shots. At first, you had tried to be brave, but as soon as your mother nudged you through that door you broke down into a fit of tears. You knew what was coming and the pain that was going to happen. You weren’t ready for it. You would never be ready for it. You tried to convince your mother that the shot wasn’t important, you could live without it, but no matter what you did it didn’t work, you were soon taken back to the back as the doctor prepared the shot.
Seeing the needle made you back into the corner of the room, trying to protect yourself. The nurse tried to bride you out of the corner with toys that could easily distract you. At one point, you started to make your way out, but as soon as you saw the needle reflect in the corner of your eye, you scurried back to the corner.
You were a nightmare for the staff. It took them thirty minutes before you finally got the shot. By that point, you didn’t whatever they were trying to give you to console you. You were ready to go home and take a nap, wrapped up tightly (but not too tightly) in your blankets where no one could hurt you like that.
fear of balloonsYou were thrilled to the circus. You’d get to see all the animals and would be able to have fun with your family. You were having the time of your life, but what you really wanted was a balloon.
You asked and asked for a balloon, your tiny hands were reaching for any of the ones that you could grab. Eventually, your parents got you one. You happily played with it and smashed your face into the yellow balloon, not with a care in the world, until it was starting to get harder to breathe.
Letting go of the balloon, you started to cry which only made things worse. Your parents looked down at you and noticed that something wasn’t right. Your skin had broken out. They rushed you to the nearest hospital where you were taken care of. It took a few tests before they could figure out exactly what happened, but it turns out that you are allergic to latex. You would never get to enjoy the fun of a balloon again, but to you, that didn’t matter. A balloon nearly killed you. Your throat had closed up and your face had broken out. After that, why would you want to ever play with a balloon again?
fear of depthsIt wasn’t something you could explain. No matter how hard you tried to find the right words to explain it, you couldn’t, but you were afraid of depths.
Or maybe it was the unknown.
You could never swim in water where you couldn’t see the bottom. A panic would swell inside of you as you imagined everything that could be underneath you (or around you depending on how dirty the water was). You would run out of there and despite the efforts of others refused to go back in.
But, it wasn’t whatever was lurking in the water that scared you. Dark areas that you couldn’t tell how far it was or how how deep. To you, there were endless possibilities about what could be lurking and since you couldn’t see you didn’t know what would be on the ground. Was there a trapdoor for you to fall into? Or something incredibly disgusting to step into? It was something you never wanted to find out, so you refused to put yourself in that position.
fear of roller coastersIt was one of the first places you went too out of San Diego since you had been to the states. You were at an amusement part with some friends. You weren’t sure how they had convinced you to go and you certainly weren’t sure how they convinced you to get on the roller coaster, but they did. The first one you decided wasn’t too bad. You weren’t thrilled with it, terrified that something was going to go wrong. He had seen Final Destination. He had heard real-life stories about things that went wrong. The last thing he wanted was to die from decapitation. Was there a more horrible way to die than that? Well… there was being burned alive.
Or from an allergic reaction to latex.
Okay, there was a lot of horrible ways to die that you didn’t want to think about as you got onto your second roller coaster of the day. This one, you were less sure of than the first. Your heart raced as the car moved around the track, ready to shoot you out to enjoy the ride.
Only, you didn’t enjoy it.
You were on an uphill climb when it suddenly stopped. You were already nearly in tears from all the twists and turns that it had and now you were stuck on it. You were on a ride that was never going to end. You tried not to cry as everyone waited for help so you could either end the ride or walk off of it. The wait was agonizing and when you finally got off you were ready to go home. It didn’t matter that you had only been there long enough to ride two rides and it was still incredibly early. You were done.
Your bed was calling your name. There you could curl up in a small ball as if that would protect you from what had just happened as if that alone would allow you to forget just how terrifying roller coasters were.
fear of confined spacesIt was a simple game of hide-n-seek. You were looking for the best hiding space possible so Kari didn’t find you. By the time you got to all the spaces you thought of, either Sidd or Riva had taken them, so you headed to a nearby closet as your sister called out that she was coming to find everyone. You quietly brought the door to a close, accidentally closing it all the way, not realizing that the inside of the doorknob was hard to turn.
You sat there, hearing your siblings walk by, but no one found you. Soon enough, everyone was found and they were searching for you, asking you to come out so they could start again. You tried to turn the doorknob so you could get out. You were proud of yourself for finding such a good place and were eager to see if your siblings thought the same thing.
Until you realized that you couldn’t get the knob to turn and the door to open.
The longer you sat in there, the more frantic you became. You tried time and time again to get it open, but you couldn’t. You began to cry, terrified as the dark space seemed to close in on you. You couldn’t get out of here and you weren’t going to get out of there.
When they found you, you were curled up in a corner, crying. They had to pull you out of the closet as you were too distraught to move.
From then on, you could never step foot in a small space and you certainly couldn’t sleep in the pitch black either.
fear from inside out
occupation: college student
birthday: november 2, 1993
face claim: dev patel
|arjun naveen om khan||
Posted: Dec 28 2017, 01:53 AM
fear from inside out
erin is Offline
she/her ♦ 7 posts ♦ 16000 points
|twinkle twinkle tokki||
Posted: Jan 1 2018, 08:13 PM
your heart from <3
boys r cute
tokki is Offline
she/her ♦ 226 posts ♦ 15000 points
Erin, Arjun here is so interesting and I love the way you structured his app! It was so interesting to read, and I could really feel his fear! I'm interested to see how his fears affect his interactions with people in San Diego on Fant, and his family! He is really his spirit, in his own fears and the way he reacts to things! You've made an awesome character here! I really look forward to seeing his story develop further! Don't forget your claims!
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