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if we want to wake up
why we still singing lullabyes
Aislinn’s life had done a bit of shaking lately. Shaking up, moving around, tossed up. It was usually something that she was very good at ignoring. Feeling like she didn’t have emotions in her gut helped with that. It was hard to react when one was prone not to do so, wasn’t it? But she had gone and let herself open up ever so slightly. Had gone and decided to wake up a few of those emotions ever so slightly because of what was going on in her life. Let herself decide to feel for a little while at least.
But then things had gone and shaken up in her life. She had finally gotten the woman she loved back only for her to decide to take some time to herself—it made sense to her, logically, because she had been asleep for nearly two years in a coma. But she wasn’t thinking entirely logically and that was bothering her more than a little bit. This was why she kept shut down. It was just a nuisance to feel these things pressing in on her at all angles. To feel like she had no control because of that little word: feeling. Ugh. Who needed that?
A run hadn’t help to settle those feelings either. Usually it did. Being with the boys, feeling her muscles ache and stretch as she pushed them to new heights in order to give the wolf-dogs a real work out. Usually it allowed her to shut down everything else. But not this time, it seemed. This time when she had gotten back to her house, she had still felt and that was not something she could allow to continue going on. Even her tea didn’t calm her jittery urges, her aching sadness, her loss which she didn’t want to feel. Ew.
So she had decided that perhaps she would try what everyone else seemed to: going out.
Even before the incident that had taken the sight from one eye, she hadn’t been the sort to go out. She didn’t like people and they often thought her odd even before all this because of her mother, because of what she did, because of all of those silly things that people seemed to care about which she couldn’t bother to understand but she thought that perhaps tonight the press of people all around would help. Secluding herself away certainly wasn’t doing her any good at all.
She had purposely chosen a bar that catered more to her sort of people—who knew she had something like that, but she meant the sort that would recognize the name Moirae and perhaps back off if she needed them to. Not that she hoped to use it. But if she was going to force herself to do this, she might as well do it where she was more comfortable. Or at least as much so as she was likely to get.
So here she was, feeling utterly out of place but enjoying the anonymity, even if she was wearing all white in a bar and staying off to herself like most didn’t seem to be doing. It was nice to just blend and let it go. She had even purposely styled her hair to hide her ruined eye. Wasn’t that nice. Or something. She ordered another drink from the bar with a sigh and looked around. ”What is the appeal of all this?” she asked the empty air as she traced her fingers absently along her three moon pendant. It was interesting to watch, she’d give it that, and nice to fade into a crowd but… every night? How odd.