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 just admit it, love, tag: sin
october riley harwood
 Posted: Apr 2 2017, 05:26 PM
Quote
27 years
she/her
eliza taylor
princess eilonwy
from the black cauldron
psychology professor
bisexual
nessa is Offline / 272 posts / she/her


head's underwater
but i'm breathing fine
October was fucking pissed. She was absolutely livid and her blood was boiling. How dare Sienna do this to her? Who did she think October was, just some toy she could play with? A simple romp in the bed that she could toss away when she got her fix and no longer needed her? She was none of those things and she truly believed that Sienna felt the same way. Well, apparently not.

October had no idea what she did. She had no idea why Sienna was actively avoiding her like she had the plague. Sienna wasn't returning any of her texts and calls and she's been skipping almost every single one of October's classes. Usually she didn't care for her students with terrible attendance records but Sienna wasn't just any student to her. She had confessed this to Rebecca but she truly felt a sort of love for this woman. October didn't want to utter the word aloud in case it scared the brunette away but it was the only word she could use to explain her feelings. Anytime she saw Sienna's name pop up on her phone screen, her heart would skip a beat. Whenever the two of them were together in person, her breath would hitch in her throat and she could feel herself became bashful under Sienna's gaze. And now... nothing. There was no communication anymore. It was like she disappeared off the face of the planet.

If Sienna was going to hide from her than October would have to go and confront her over all of this bullshit. Sienna told her she worked for an organization called Kaarne Inc. She didn't exactly specify what she did but October knew not to push her to reveal anymore about her life. She respected her privacy and knew it would take more time for Sienna to confess more to her. But not today. Today was the day October had finally had enough.

She found the address to Kaarne Inc. and she knew that this was probably a bad idea and she might regret it, but she was acting on impulse right now. Impulse and pure anger. Walking through the doors, October pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Sienna, telling her they needed to talk. She knew that she wouldn't get any response but it would make Sienna alert and aware that October had something to say.

October approached what appeared to be a receptionist desk and drummed her fingers on the surface. "I need to see Sienna Sabre. She knows who I am and it needs to happen now." There was no quivering in her voice; it was pure command and rage.



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sienna abigail sabre
 Posted: Apr 2 2017, 08:59 PM
Quote
27 years
she / her
alycia debnam-carey
sabor
from tarzan
Fence / Director of Executive Security & Asset Protection for Kaarne Inc.
bisexual
rinn is Offline / 116 posts / she / her


Sienna wasn’t hiding. Avoiding…well that was something entirely different. Grown women were allowed to avoid situations that were unpleasant, so that was what she was doing. And it hurt like hell. It had been a few weeks since that night with Clair, and while Sienna struggled to wrap her mind around what she’d done….what it might mean…well she was avoiding the situation. Of course, in her case, avoiding meant skipping class, since she was still only taking one class at a time and had chosen a second one of October’s. Between that and trying to spend very little time around her roommates’ painfully cheery attitudes, she found herself spending more time than she ever wanted to in her office at Kaarne.

It was shockingly nice, the building itself, but more so Sin’s office. She hadn’t expected quite this much, but apparently being tight with the CEO could work wonders and along with the job itself, Aya had set her up in a really nice space, on the main floor near reception but tucked away enough for privacy.

The buzz of her phone on the desk drew Sin’s attention, but she pushed it away at the name that popped up, torn between feeling terrible for not replying and brushing it off with the knowledge that this woman had already caused her enough trouble. Eventually she’d either get back to October with a brilliant excuse or the gorgeous and smart blonde would realize that she was wasting her time on Sienna anyway, and stop texting.

It shocked her, more than anything in this building ever had, to hear the voice she’d just imagined in her mind coming from the reception desk just around the corner, asking for her. Sienna froze in her seat, no one had ever showed up here to see her before, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about the attention that it was drawing, but as the receptionist’s voice came through on her phone, informing her she had a visitor she stood shakily from her seat and made the short trip around the corner to reception.

”October.” she said in an empty tone as she fought to keep her face placid despite the churning fear and frustration over being confronted here, where she didn’t feel at all comfortable. Corporate Sienna was an entirely different façade from classroom Sienna or bedroom Sienna, here it was all about blending in, so she looked like she perfectly belonged. She shifted on her simple pumps and smoothed the fabric of her blouse, it was mauve and demure, tucked into a modest gray pencil skirt, accented by a simple pendant and Sienna’s hair, pinned back at the top and the rest tamed into big soft curls that framed a face of innocent looking makeup. The leather and jeans and smudged black eye makeup didn’t fit in here and she changed like a chameleon to match her surroundings.

”Can I help you with something?” she asked, her voice only slightly cold, and regretting each and every part of that phrase before it even left her mouth.


october riley harwood


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october riley harwood
 Posted: Apr 2 2017, 09:21 PM
Quote
27 years
she/her
eliza taylor
princess eilonwy
from the black cauldron
psychology professor
bisexual
nessa is Offline / 272 posts / she/her


head's underwater
but i'm breathing fine
Usually, October was a calm and civil person. She's never made a scene in her entire life and always kept her composure in arguments the older she got. Today was the exception. Walking to Kaarne Inc., she knew that she was going to lose her cool. She knew that her emotions would overwhelm her and she would probably explode and unleash all of her frustrations out on Sienna. October has never felt this angry. The only other event in her life that could compare to this ache in her chest was when her father died. Besides that she would always find a way to calm herself down and think reasonably about the situation. This was something new to her and she didn't know how to react to it.

The devil herself stepped out from an office and if October wasn't so furious at her, she'd call Sienna beautiful. Even in pure red hot rage directed at her, Sienna had control of her heart and thoughts. Seeing her in business wear would have made a normal October blush and pull her in for a kiss with a naughty innuendo thrown in but this wasn't normal October. Sienna was dealing with a pissed off October who was ready to punch a wall and possibly break some glass.

"You fucking bitch."

Looking back at this moment, October would probably be completely shocked at the vulgar language and tone she was using, but this was the present and she did not care. She did not care that the receptionist's eyes were wide open and her mouth was agape. She did not care that office doors opened to see what all of the commotion was. She did not care for any of that at all. Right now, it was her and Sienna. No one else was in the room; all eyes were on her.

"I have called you, I have texted you; you've even skipped my classes. What the hell is your problem?" She wanted an answer. A real answer. She wanted to know what she did or what happened to cause Sienna to change like this. She wanted to know where it went wrong and why Sienna put this miserable distance between them. October could feel her eyes grow watery but she had to fight back the tears; she had to be strong. "Can you tell me what I did? Please? This isn't like you." Truthfully, October was afraid of hearing the answer but she needed to know. She needed to hear Sienna's voice in person one last time, even if it was going to deliver some heartbreaking news.



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sienna abigail sabre
 Posted: Apr 2 2017, 10:25 PM
Quote
27 years
she / her
alycia debnam-carey
sabor
from tarzan
Fence / Director of Executive Security & Asset Protection for Kaarne Inc.
bisexual
rinn is Offline / 116 posts / she / her


Sienna thought that her quota of being taken by surprise for the day was full just because of October showing up here, but as the woman opened her mouth she found that there were more surprises to come. Not only the words themselves, but the tone of voice that colored them felt sharp and unexpected and out of place and Sienna’s mouth literally dropped open in shock. She felt the eyes of the receptionist and the other people waiting, and the ears of the plebeians in offices nearby straining to hear what new drama was unfolding in the hall.

Her mind was frantically searching for an eject button, the attention of the people around them cutting her like razor blades, leaving her exposed and vulnerable and despite herself she found that her eyes were wet and her chest tight. She shook her head, blinking the tears in her eyes away, angry at herself for allowing this reaction to even happen. Even as October yelled at her, all things that she knew to be true, all she could think of was getting out of here, out of this situation, out of the center of attention.

”October.” she repeated, the emptiness gone from her voice with a raw pleading left behind. She’d never been open enough with October for the woman to understand that even if she wanted to had a discussion about their relationship she was too paralyzed by fear and anxiety to do that here, in the open, even if it was surrounded by her coworkers. They knew nothing about her but her name and her ridiculous fake title.

Sin clasped her hands together behind her back, hiding the traitorous shaking that would have made her discomfort even clearer to everyone looking at her. ”Can we do this in my office, please?” she asked her voice soft but still strained. Even as she asked she wondered if October’s anger was too much to try keeping behind closed doors. She couldn’t even bring herself to think about what she’d actually say to the woman if she got her alone.


october riley harwood



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october riley harwood
 Posted: Apr 3 2017, 03:29 PM
Quote
27 years
she/her
eliza taylor
princess eilonwy
from the black cauldron
psychology professor
bisexual
nessa is Offline / 272 posts / she/her


head's underwater
but i'm breathing fine
There was a small victory in seeing the expression of shock on Sienna's face. October was used to sly and suggestive smiles, a resting bitch face, or a smirk. She's never seen Sienna's face show any form of surprise or shock. She was a woman that was skilled in suppressing her emotions. She never showed any weakness and only showed what she wanted people to be seen. It was the trait of a sociopath and someone who has been traumatized in their past but October never pressed on it or actually considered Sienna's mental stability because she was too warped by her own feelings for the other woman. While her thoughts were clouded, as usual around Sienna, today it was all malice and fury, not love and adoration.

The words coming from October's mouth felt like a knife cutting through her own tongue. She's never used this tone of voice before and if she did, it wouldn't be towards someone she cared so much about. Her throat felt hot as she tried to keep the sobs and cries of frustration from escaping. How she desperately wanted to throw something. The overwhelming urge to commit destruction was bubbling inside her and she didn't know why she felt that way. She's never been a violent person but as a psychologist, she knew that anger clouded the brain and the part that controlled coherent thinking. She knew she was acting very out of character but now wasn't the time to try and defend her actions.

Her name coming from Sienna's lips felt like a knife wound in her heart. Anytime she uttered her name, it was like plunging that knife deeper and deeper. October subconsciously didn't want to hear her name in such a pained tone even though in the moment, it felt like a personal triumph. She was used to hearing her name in a breathy moan or after a laugh or two, not in such a defeated voice. October almost couldn't look her in the eyes but she did and she saw something she's never seen on Sienna's face: tears. This couldn't be real; it had to be a dream. Sienna, crying? Sienna of all people? October could have laughed dryly at that but now wasn't the time to relish Sienna's pain.

"Will I actually get some answers?" October demanded. "Or is the embarrassment of all this showing your true self?" Her hands were balled into fists at her side and her voice wasn't faltering. October was sure she could probably be heard on the second floor or even the third but she didn't care. Making Sienna squirm was actually giving her joy in a sadistic way. October calmly pushed her hair behind her shoulder and approached Sienna. "Fine," she spat.



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sienna abigail sabre
 Posted: Apr 8 2017, 11:41 PM
Quote
27 years
she / her
alycia debnam-carey
sabor
from tarzan
Fence / Director of Executive Security & Asset Protection for Kaarne Inc.
bisexual
rinn is Offline / 116 posts / she / her


Each new word that fell from October’s mouth stung, wrapped in venomous anger that Sienna had never seen on her before. She’d probably seen the woman annoyed, at worst, and only in the way a student sees annoyance in their exasperated teacher. The October Sienna knew was all light, her October sounded like laughter and excitement and breathlessness and ecstasy. It hurt her more to have to wonder if this was a side of the blonde that always existed but never saw the surface or if pure anger at Sienna had created it in her. Either way it made her feel shame that she had upset her so much, which was the reason that she’d been avoiding her in the first place. She didn’t want to upset October by telling her the truth, she refused to acknowledge that it was probably more about her own cowardice.

Unable to answer her question, Sienna gave a hurried nod, eyes darting around the room at the people watching them, several of whom seemed disappointed when October agreed to come back to Sin’s office. She nodded again, eyes falling to the floor as she turned around and silently led October around the corner to her office, closing the door behind them.

It was a reasonably sized office, a big window on one wall with a half-decent view shedding natural light on Sienna’s desk, dark shiny wood, clean save for a stack of papers and some generic office supplies. Her computer displayed the Kaarne logo screensaver, lazily bouncing from one side of the screen to the other. On the other side of the room were a loveseat and armchair, upholstered in soft grey linen and flanked with an end table and some tall plant that Sienna thought was a fern – it had been here when she arrived. The walls were a soft blue and decorated with abstract black and white paintings, authentic originals, stolen, of course, but to anyone that asked they were recreations. The only truly identifying object in the room was the name plate on her desk that matched the one on the door.

Sienna relaxed the moment they stepped in the door, things weren’t great with October, but that didn’t mean Sin didn’t feel safe with her. The tension in her back and shoulders eased, and she grabbed a tissue from the desk and dabbed her eyes, only turning back to look at October after she’d thrown it away. She bypassed the desk chair, not wanting this conversation to happen across a desk and sank wearily into the loveseat, looking up at October and steeling herself for the coming conversation. ”I’m sorry.” she said quietly, not entirely sure where to begin. She couldn’t exactly blurt out what had happened to make her pull away.


october riley harwood


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october riley harwood
 Posted: Apr 24 2017, 05:51 PM
Quote
27 years
she/her
eliza taylor
princess eilonwy
from the black cauldron
psychology professor
bisexual
nessa is Offline / 272 posts / she/her


head's underwater
but i'm breathing fine
The anger and pain in October's chest was almost suffocating. She wanted it to end, to stop; she wanted it to go away, but it wouldn't. Not until she received some answers. October didn't know what hurt worse: the feeling of loneliness and loss she felt when Sienna was ignoring her, making her think October did something wrong, or the gut-wrenching anger knotted in her chest and make her stomach turn. Her throat felt hot as her eyes burned from holding her tears back. She was not about to frustrate cry; in front of Sienna or her coworkers. As much as October wanted to continue making this absurd scene, she knew it was for the best for the two of them to have this conversation in privacy so October agreed to go to Sienna's office.

The silence Sienna was giving was deafening in a way. October's thoughts were clouded with vicious and malicious words. She wanted to scream and shout and possibly break something in half but she needed to be civil so she could get the closure she was looking for. October followed Sienna around the corner and down the hall to her personal office. She glared at the faces of everyone she passed that had been watching them; their eyes averting back to their computer screens or cell phones, engaging in hushed whispers. Good. Let them talk about it. Let them spread what just happened throughout Sienna's work place. They deserved to know she was a deceitful person who didn't care about anyone except herself. October was a fool to think that Sienna would actually care about her and that October could change her - could make her open up more and not be so stoic and reserved. It was like she was silently saying help me to October and October wanted to help but this girl just pushed her away and pushed any chance of redemption away with her.

October looked at Sienna in disbelief. Her eyebrows quirked up in confusion and then furrowed in anger. "You're.... sorry? That's all you have to say?" The tone of her voice was exasperated. October could not believe that was all Sienna had to say to her. She made October wait weeks of no answers or interaction for an I'm sorry? That wasn't going to cut it with her. "'I'm sorry' isn't going to work here. It's going to take more than two words I know you don't mean for you to make this better." Her hair flew over her eyes in her angry response and she calmly stood tall, brushing it behind her ear. "You have a lot to answer for and you have some explaining to do. So get started. Now."




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sienna abigail sabre
 Posted: Apr 24 2017, 06:39 PM
Quote
27 years
she / her
alycia debnam-carey
sabor
from tarzan
Fence / Director of Executive Security & Asset Protection for Kaarne Inc.
bisexual
rinn is Offline / 116 posts / she / her


For the first time in a very long time, Sienna felt ready to give up the façade. Hiding behind her distance and her mystery had always worked for her, because she’d never allowed anyone to get too close. Of course now October had slipped past her walls and was using the position to tear her apart from inside. As she slumped in her seat in front of an angry October, Sin wondered what the use was in trying to stay stoic and unaffected by it all. Of course, old habits die hard, so she could only let her guard down so much. Maybe October in a happy mood would be enough, one day, to tear all the walls down, to make Sienna vulnerable – a concept that was equal parts horrifying and exhilarating to think about. Of course…that would only happen if someone Sienna got to keep her, and hold on to whatever it was they had going on between them. She wanted to. As scared as she was of needing the woman it was worse to imagine losing her, she’d realized that in the time she’d spent actively avoiding her.

”I…I um..” she struggled, trying to figure out what she could even say to make things better, knowing that what she really needed to say was only going to make it worse. She groaned and pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, warding off a tension headache and effectively smudging her soft brown eyeliner. ”I fucked up, okay?” she started, clasping her hands tightly together to keep the shaking at bay as she looked up at October, feeling small and ripped open in front of her. ”God, I fucked up so badly.” she said, quieter, trying to reign her thoughts in to form an actual plan of how to present this information.

If she hadn’t been stupid enough to expect October just to give up on her she’d have thought up a better way to do this, but she hadn’t had that foresight. What she did have was the knowledge that at least October was invested enough to come find her, as much as Sienna hated that she’d confronted her here in this awful place. October hadn’t given up, so this was Sienna’s chance to either push her away for good or try to fix what she’d broken and work on understanding why. ”I did something that is going to make you hate me, and I couldn’t handle that so I ran away from it all.” she managed, hating the taste of unadulterated honesty in her mouth and wondering if the psychologist in October knew how difficult even that was for her to admit, or catch on to the fact that nothing scared Sienna more than the idea of October hating her...something she was only just realizing herself.


october riley harwood


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october riley harwood
 Posted: May 21 2017, 03:02 PM
Quote
27 years
she/her
eliza taylor
princess eilonwy
from the black cauldron
psychology professor
bisexual
nessa is Offline / 272 posts / she/her


head's underwater
but i'm breathing fine
October wanted to laugh; a dry, cynical laugh that had no humor behind it, but instead held pain. Her pain. The pain of feeling like everything was her fault and that it was because of her that Sienna stopped talking to her. That wasn't the case anymore. She didn't feel guilty anymore. October realized she had done nothing wrong and this was all on Sienna. October played her part; she tried to contact the other girl many times and she kept her hopes up even when she spent nights crying herself to sleep or feigning emotional breakdowns in the middle of the day.

People could tell that she wasn't feeling like herself anymore. No longer were her eyes full of that lively glint, of someone ready to take on the day and be with the people she cares about. They were dull and sullen; she had bags under her eyes from sleepless nights. Her hands would shake because coffee was the only thing she was actually consuming throughout the day. Her co-workers and family would need to remind her to eat and sleep but she ignored all of them. All she wanted was to hear Sienna's voice and know what was going on and it took her mustering up the courage to confront Sienna directly to actually receive some answers. Sienna was a coward, October realized that now. She hid behind a mask that gave off the illusion that she didn't care about anyone but herself and she was emotionless and invincible but October knew better. She was weak and hid behind people and lies so she didn't have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

"Again, that's all you have to say to me? 'You fucked up'? Yes, yes, you did. You royally fucked up. We all know this so why don't you try to say something else?" October scowled. October didn't want to hear what she already knew. She wanted to know why and how Sienna did what she did to her. October didn't do anything wrong and didn't do anything to deserve this. October watched as Sienna tried to keep herself composed although all composure was out the window for her. October was being fueled by pure rage right now and Sienna's words should have done something for her, but they did nothing. Nothing Sienna could say would make her calm down.

Her hands were shaking so October crossed her arms in front of her chest and watched as Sienna confessed why she ran away. October should have expected this from her. She was a woman who hid everything and has never had to deal with confessing her true feelings and emotions. October should feel sorry for her and try to console her because she knew how difficult this was for Sienna to admit but it didn't excuse what she did at all. "So me hating you for leaving without a word was better?" October yelled. She exhaled sharply and blinked away the hot tears and ran a hand through her blonde hair, which had lost its volume and shine with all that's happened to her. "Tell me what you did," she demanded. "Sin, all you do is run away from your problems. You need to stop because it only makes things worse. Your answer to everything just makes the problem bigger."




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sienna abigail sabre
 Posted: May 21 2017, 05:11 PM
Quote
27 years
she / her
alycia debnam-carey
sabor
from tarzan
Fence / Director of Executive Security & Asset Protection for Kaarne Inc.
bisexual
rinn is Offline / 116 posts / she / her


The tears she’d been (so far) holding successfully at bay burned in the corners of her eyes and started to fall, hot and wet down her face, though less in guilt or fear and more in anger. She knew she had problems facing things, she knew it was her tendency to walk away when things were difficult. She also knew that caring for people was painful, which was why she tried her very best to avoid it. But none of that awareness made it easy to hear the words falling from October’s mouth. The person she trusted more than almost anyone else in her life right now, even if she hadn’t been anywhere close to transparent with her. She’d been vulnerable, and that was more than she gave most, and her worst fear was coming to pass: October was using it against her. She might have deserved it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

And like an animal she had a tendency to lash out when she was hurt or scared, so her response wasn’t contrition, it wasn’t sorrow. It was anger. Her hands, unclasped, were now shaking without restraint and she rose from the sofa, refusing to sit and be yelled at like a child. ”I fucking know, October.” she seethed, her voice low and full of malice, a quiet fury, ”All I can do is fucking run away from my problems, because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ve been running since the day we left France.” she went on, her voice raising in volume as she spoke, not even realizing her slip, she wasn’t supposed to be from France, she was from Quebec as far as anyone in this country was concerned, as far as October had been told.

”I watched them kill my parents, and I ran, they put me in foster care, and I ran, my friends turned their backs on me, and I ran. And then I fucking met you, and I cared too much and I RAN.” she was yelling now, thoughts of the coworkers around her long forgotten. ”I didn’t want to care about you, and I fucking tried not to. I thought I could fuck you out of my system and never look back and then it happened, and I didn’t even realize that Clair was your brother when I slept with him, he was just a fucking stranger in a bar and his voice….it was like your voice.” she whispered the last part as the realization of everything she’d just said crashed over her. So many secrets she’d kept under wraps, not just from October, but from everyone, bared for the woman to see, and then the one secret that she’d needed to share, tossed out like an afterthought.

She deflated in an instant, feeling crushed under the weight of the fear, panic, and anxiety that her confessions brought on in a tidal wave. Cold eyes focused on the wall, just above October’s head, tears still falling slowly down her face and her lips pursed tight. ”Hit me or yell or storm out or something, because you giving up on me will be so much easier.” she said, tone empty, ”I’m not worth your time.”


october riley harwood



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